Is there anyone that believes that we are not living in a time of "the Great Confusion" ? Chinese proverb has it that chaos is an opportunity provider....I tend to agree, and I tend to believe that I am pretty much ignorant, to a larger extent, of all that surrounds me and goes on, around me.
That leaves me pretty open for impression I suppose. An empty vessel, to be filled.

The visual arts , or in general the visual combined with music has always fascinated me. The dawn of musical videos, great film music that most of us only hear once..., what a deal. How they all move my emotions, and how easily I am willing to go with what is displayed and played to me. Happiness, sadness, melancholy, contemplation, thoughts of who am I, where am I going ?, am I in the right place, am I doing the right thing, am I wasting my time with this, whatever that is, I am doing ??
It is truly a wonder how these impressions, visually and musically makes my mind and emotions move.
After a good decennial commitment of escaping most of reality, the way I was born to see it, I was somehow catapulted into (back into) reality as it were. The certainty that I would die an early death, by my own making was something I held for very possible, as a matter of fact, I could not see how else things would end for me.
Throughout my years I had found life to be most dangerous, hurtful, confusing, bloody, unjust and a lost place to be. Dodging from one place to another, I thought for a while I could outrun my confusion and fear, and end up somewhere, serene and peaceful.
I was wrong, and at the very end, I found myself looking down into dark waters, and the option of an early end seemed like a likely one, a possible one, an end I could "live" with.

Then, suddenly, something started to take hold. Call it a new found bravery, maybe the fear of the end was greater than the fear of a new beginning ? I am not sure, nor do I really know what started to happen to me, I am not even sure I know exactly when it started. But I was turning, slowly mind you. I seemed to start accepting my fate, my place so to say, my perhaps destiny if there is such a thing. Being utterly worn our from fear and dreading another tomorrow, I said, literally out loud "Ok, F it !, if I am going to live conflicted, and, if I am not gonna understand what the hell is going on around me most of the time, so f.. be it !., And if there is a tomorrow, well, it will be here tomorrow ! I am here now, I am alive now, and now is a mirage anyways...so utterly conflicted it will be then...
That was the start......